Not All Blondes Are Dumb…

 

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A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York.
 

The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
 
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa."

 

Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep.  The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer. "Okay, how about this, if you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
 
This catches the blonde's attention
and—figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays—she agrees to play the game.

 

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
 
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

 

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.  He taps into the Air-phone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows.  All to no avail. After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally gives up.
 
He wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back
to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
 
Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

 

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Children and the Church

 

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?

“Sixteen,” the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.

“How do you know that?”

“Easy, “ the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”

 

 ***

 

A six-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord’s prayer at a church service: “And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us.”

 

 ***

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.

“How do you know what to say,” he asked?

“Why, God tells me.”

“Oh...then why do you keep crossing things out?”

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Bob Hope Quoted

On turning 70: “You can still chase women, but only downhill.”

On turning 80: “That’s the time in your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.”

On 90: “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

On 100: “I don’t feel old. In fact I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.”

On giving up his early boxing career: " I ruined my hands in the ring...the referee kept stepping on them."

On sailors: " They spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, and then go to Church to pray for crop failure."

On never winning an Oscar: "Welcome to the Academy Awards, or as it is known at my house, Passover."

On golf: "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."

On receiving the Congressional Gold Medal: "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."

On Presidents: I have performed for twelve Presidents, and entertained six."

On going to heaven: "I've done benefits for all religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."

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