The Scotsman


A Scotsman had been drinking all night at his favorite pub in Edinburgh. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. The now tipsy Scotsman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand again but with the same result. He figured he'd crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that would sober him up.

Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face once more. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting: "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!!!"

Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out, he said, "What makes you say that?"

"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."                                                                             


Old Scottish Proverbs

 ·          There’s nae füle like an auld füle.

·          Wha teaches himself hes a füle for a meister.

·          Better be quiet than sing a bad sang.

·          He who waits long at the ferry will get across sometime.

·          Playing with a pup will end in a howl.

·          Even a pig will keep its ain sty clean.

·          If ye canna bite dinna show yer teeth.

·          Better a good wife than a plow and land.

·          A light-heeled mother makes a leaden-heeled daughter.

·          Choose yer wife with a night-cap on.

·          The clan is stronger than the chief.

·          Reivers (robbers) shouldna be rulers.

·          Keep yer ain fish guts to yer ain house.