A Retiree's Day
 

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Question: How many days in a week? 
Answer:
Six Saturdays and one Sunday.
 
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? 
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on
the couch.

Question: How many retirees does it take to change a light  bulb? 
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
 
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? 
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
 
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called "seniors?” 
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.
 
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? 
Answer: Tied shoes.
 
Question: Why do retirees count pennies? 
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
 
Question:  What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and
refuses to retire? 
Answer:  NUTS!
 
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic
or garage? 
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids
will want to store stuff there.
 
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? 
Answer: Normal.
 
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? 
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
 
Question:  What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? 
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
 
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? 
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

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A Few Profound Observations:

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

Frustration is trying to find your glasses, without your glasses.

The irony of life is that by the time you’re old enough to know your way around, you’re not going anywhere.

Blessed are those who can give without remembering, and take without forgetting.

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

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Senior Humor

 A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office.

“Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken the rest of  my life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied. “I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is, since this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS.’”

***

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery. His son, a renowned surgeon was to perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.

“Yes, Dad, what is it?” His father replied, “ Don’t be nervous son. I know that you will do your best, but just remember, if things don’t go well, and something happens to me...your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.

***

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

***

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse, however, when you forget to pull it down.

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