Grins & Giggles

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Senior Moments

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobil home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her,

Will you marry me? After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered. Yes, Yes, I will.

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, and they went to their respective rooms. Next morning, he was troubled. Did she say yes or did she say no? He couldn’t remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, When I asked if you would marry me, did you say Yes or did you say No?

He was delighted to hear her say, Why, I said, Yes, yes I will and I meant it with all my heart.

He was thrilled, but then she continued, Im so glad that you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.

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Football 

Football FINALLY makes senseA guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

Oh, I really liked it, she replied, especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.

Dumbfounded, her date asked,
What do you mean?
Well,” she replied, “they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game they kept screamingGet the quarterback! Get the quarterback! I’m like...Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!!

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A Southern Baptist Church in Little Rock, Arkansas was recently conducting a celebratory marriage marathon. The minister called on Brother Ralph, who was on the 50th Anniversary list, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to one woman for all those years.

Ralph stood up and replied to the audience, “Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions.”

The minister inquired, “Trips to where?”

 “Well, for our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China.”

 The minister then said, “Ralph, what a terrific example you are to all husbands. Please tell the audience what you’re going to do for her on your 50th anniversary.”

Brother Ralph replied, “I’m going to go get her.”

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 Ghosts?

A photographer wanted to take a picture of a ghost. He found a dark, haunted house, and was able to persuade one of the ghosts to pose for him.

He shot a whole roll of film, but when it came back from the lab all of his photos were drastically underexposed.

Apparently the spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.

Bad, huh?

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 A Woman's Viewpoint

According to Hopi Indian tribal beliefs, the Creator made woman first. But she was lonely, and didn’t have anyone to boss around or to take her to bingo, so she asked the Creator for a companion.

The Creator obliged. He cut off part of her butt and made  man. That’s why tribal women have flat butts and tribal men are butt heads.

Makes sense to me...

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Mysteries of Life

  -Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

-If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

-Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

-Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

-Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

-Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

-Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

-Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

-Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

-Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

-Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

-Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

-Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

-If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

-If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

-If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

-If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

-Why is a bra singular and panties plural?

-Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

-Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

-Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

-Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

-Why do they call a TV a set when you only have one?

-Christmas; What other time of the year do we sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of our   socks?

 

 

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