Conversation about how people are related often bogs down over terminology, particularly when it comes to classifying cousins. For instance:

  • Your first cousin is your aunt's or uncle's child. However, a first cousin's child is not your second cousin, as is often assumed, but your first cousin once removed. His child is your first cousin twice removed; his, in turn, is your first cousin three times removed.

  • Your second cousin is your mother's or father's first cousin's child. That second cousin's child is your second cousin once removed; his child your second cousin twice removed, and so on to third removed, etc.

  • Third cousin? It's your great-grand­parent's brother's (or sister's) great-­grandchild. The third cousin's child is your third cousin once removed, his child your third cousin twice removed.

  Other often misunderstood terms:

  •  Siblings—having parents in common. Brothers and sisters are siblings.

  • Great-aunt (or great-uncle) is the sister (or brother) of your grandparent.

  • Great-grandaunt (or great-grand­uncle) is the sister (or brother) of your great-grandparents.

  • Stepfather or stepmother—the hus­band of your mother or the wife of your father by a subsequent marriage.

  • Stepchild—the child of your husband or wife by a former marriage.

  • Stepsister or stepbrother—the child of your stepfather or stepmother.

  • Half sister or half brother—the child of either your mother or father by a former marriage.

  • In-laws—your lawful connections by marriage (your husband's or wife's relatives) as distinguished from rela­tives by blood.

  • Ancestor—a person from whom you descend "directly," such as a grand­parent or great-grandparent.

  • Descendant—any person who descends "directly" from you, such as a grandson or great-granddaughter.

  • Lineal relations—ancestors and de­scendants.

  • Collateral relations—relatives with common ancestors, such as aunts, uncles and cousins.

                                                                 Contributed by Maxine Erwin George, Topeka, Kansas


Cop Humor

 The following exchanges were taken off of actual police car videos around the country:

 ·          “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

·          “If you take your hands off the car before I tell you to I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

·          “So you don’t know how fast you were going. That means I can write anything I want to on the ticket?”

·          “Yes Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think that it will help. Oh...did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”

·          “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step on monkey doo-doo.”

·          “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a dog or a cat?

·          “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.?

·          “No Sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now I can write as many tickets as I want to.”



Tips For Rednecks

1.         Never take a beer to a job interview.

2.         Try to identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3.         It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4.         If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.

5.         Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.

6.         Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.